Many people know me as “TurnTrout”, but you can call me “Alex.” I want to let you see a different facet of me than I usually present online.

I was born in ‘94. Now, I’m a research scientist on Google DeepMind’s scalable alignment team in San Francisco. In this document, I’ll overview what the intervening time has made of me, as a person.

I’m straight and polyamorous.¹ I’m hoping to meet a wonderful woman to be my best friend through thick and thin.

(And by “best friend”, I mean “wife.”)

About me

I’m kind, conscientious, and very ready to admit mistakes—maybe I’m too ready, to be honest! Speaking of “honest”, I’m also an extremely honest person. I haven’t always lived as ethically or as honestly as I would now have preferred, and I’m surely going to make more mistakes, but god damn if I’m not going to live this one life well.

If I make a commitment to you, I keep it, and I’m not particularly afraid of commitments. I’m someone you can rely on.² One of my friends described me as “not the kind of person who will put up with [unethical] conspiracies.”

On the other hand, I do love a good ethical conspiracy. I once hatched an elaborate “welcome back” party for a partner who was coming back from overseas. I rounded up 18 of her friends and hid them in my apartment so they could all jump out at her.

I am pretty goofy if I trust and feel comfy around someone. I think I’d jive well with someone more spontaneous and daring, since I tend to be more planned and conservative. Well, I’m usually more conservative:

Professional life

I’m very hard-working. In 2017, in the second year of my computer science PhD, I found out about the AI alignment problem. However, I lacked the skills to contribute to this hilariously neglected super-problem. That lack didn’t really matter to me—I thought that the world needed something from me, and I wasn’t going to not even try.

I might not be good at something at first, but I don’t quit! In the second year of my PhD I wasn’t comfortable proving mathematical theorems. By the end of my fourth year, I had proved 281 new theorems.

Personal life

That said, I’ve become a bit less research-focused recently. Somewhat relatedly, I’d become somewhat more anxious than I’d like. At the end of 2023, I realized that I just... wasn’t enjoying my life? Since then, I’ve focused on meditation, intentionality, gratitude, and actually taking breaks.

When I was younger, I wasn’t very social. These days, I love meeting new people! I’m an ambivert: sometimes socializing is energizing, but sometimes it’s draining. I have a lot of friends who are very precious to me, and I wish I could give each of them the time they each deserve. Sometimes I even look out over a city and wonder at the residents:

So, I care a lot about people—both in the abstract and personally. I’ve never yelled at anyone in my life (except, you know, I probably did as a young kid, but I don’t remember that well). I’m also a vegan who cares about animals.

What I like doing

I like doing a lot of things!

Dancing

I like salsa and waltz. I’m learning West Coast Swing. I can vibe with almost anything, though!

AI-fueled house parties

I like bringing a ton of my friends together in my 2br apartment. To commemorate such an occasion, I personalize a name tag for each of them! The tag has their name and then a picture of them. Only, the picture is tailored to the theme of the party:

Design & art

I designed this website, for example!

While I don’t draw anymore, I’ve really gone through phases here! For example, in order to communicate research insights which were very dear to me, I wrote and illustrated a series of blog posts called Reframing Impact:

Writing

Meditation

I used to say “no, isn’t this just learning how to wirehead and evoke fake happiness for no reason?”. Then I got really, really sad, so I said “screw it.” I made the right choice, though I’m still not particularly skilled.

Reading textbooks

Yes this is a real thing I do for fun sometimes.

How compatible are we?

Possible dealbreakers

1. I probably (70%) will want kids within the next 5 years.
2. Polyamory is important to me.
3. I currently live in Berkeley. I’m open to (but disprefer) a long-distance relationship if there’s a good chance we end up in the same location, assuming the relationship is great! In particular, cities like New York and London are more workable (as DeepMind has offices there I could work out of).

What I’m like in a relationship

• I’m a positive presence. When my friends self-deprecate, I often scold them for insulting my friend (i.e. themselves).
• As of November 2024, my attachment style leans “anxious-preoccupied.” However, over the past few years, my style was “secure.” I find it easy to date anxious folks because I like supporting my partners through reassurance and praise.
• My love language is “quality time”, closely followed by “words of affirmation.” I want to find a life partner—a mutually supportive and committed relationship. I want to do things together.

What I appreciate in a partner

This isn’t a list of demands or anything, just ingredients for a good relationship with me:

• Trustworthiness, high empathy, and emotional maturity
• Intellect/wits/sharpness
• We can talk for hours about nothing
• Confidence is hot
• Being good at stem is also hot
• Non-avoidant attachment style
• The kind of girl³ who would have refused to obey in the Milgram experiment
• Spontaneous and medium-adventurous, but not to the point where you’re trying to backflip out of a plane while naked even though it’s 10:30pm and we have an early morning the next day...
• Some dispositional je ne sais quoi which makes me feel at ease.

If this sounds like a nice potential connection, I’d love to:

1. Take you dancing , or
2. Spend a lazy Sunday morning watching the stream run by the Hidden Café, or
3. Have a sunset picnic and eat blueberries.

OK, I’ve written enough! Get to know me if you want to know more.

Let’s get in touch?

☙❧